The April 8 episode of Stephen Colbert’s Showtime anti-Trump cartoon, Our Cartoon President, titled “First Pitch” included bitter losing presidential candidate Hillary Clinton. She is less than kind to Ivanka Trump as Trump is trying to open a school for women and girls in Africa.
Ivanka Trump wants to become a feminist icon and her idea of how to do that is to open the Ivanka Trump School for Women and Girls in Africa. She tells Jared that traffic to Malala Yousafzai’s website exploded after she opened a school. And, Oprah’s did, too.
Ivanka wants to use her school to pump up traffic to her website and promote the sale of her clothing line. Along the way, she meets with failed Democrat candidate Hillary Clinton to ask for a donation from The Clinton Foundation. It doesn’t go well.
Ivanka: Thank you for meeting with me about my new school. It’s just nice to talk to someone who I share so much life experience with.
Hillary Clinton: Absolutely. And I’m just so excited that the meritocracy is working properly, and you’re serving in the most powerful office on Earth.
Ivanka: I know you’re not feeling well and need to get back to making sure your brain doesn’t spill out of your head, and so I’ll get to it. I would love to accept a sizable contribution from The Clinton Foundation for my new school.
Hillary: Oh, we’re not really a foundation anymore, so much as a thick smoke screen for Republicans to draw attention from your father’s Mussolini cosplay. And you’re doing a great job!
Ivanka: So, from one feminist to another, can we agree to lift each other up?
Hillary: I’d love to, but unfortunately, I’m on so much Xanax and chardonnay that I’m not legally allowed to write a check. I’ll tell you what, though. Until that changes, you can eat my ass.
Classy as always, Hillary. At least she admits The Clinton Foundation is just a smokescreen! Naturally, she had to work into the conversation that President Trump acts as a dictator. Recently, Hillary was asked on Dutch television what she thought about Ivanka Trump as a future president if she has such a goal. “That’s not going to happen,” Clinton responded. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “No, we don’t want any more inexperienced Trumps in the White House.” Poor Hillary. She just can’t get over her loss.
Meanwhile, President Trump has been asked to throw out the first pitch for the Washington Nationals but he doesn’t want to do it. He also doesn’t want to appear to be less than manly about it so he invents a cockamamie story about being such a great baseball player that he played for the New York Yankees. Along the way, Ted Cruz shows up (as he does in every episode) and gives Trump a rifle to give him confidence. Trump totes it around while wearing a cowboy hat to look macho.
There are the standard slams about Trump’s personal vanity and not serving in Vietnam because of bone spurs. Then Melania tells him to not worry about it, she has canceled his pitch. The next day it’s announced that Hillary will do it. Lol! Like that would happen. And, it didn’t happen here, either. Hillary suffers from heat stroke and is helped out of her news conference by secret service. They support her on either side as we have all seen them do.
Trump gets a pep talk from the generals to boost his self-confidence – McMaster, Kelly, and Mattis – and they give him a fake nuclear button to push after telling him that North Korea President Kim Jung-un has launched missile tests. Oh, brother. Then a news report states that President Kim has thrown a baseball at 400 mph. General Kelly advises him to go ahead and try to make the pitch and to keep pretending he’s a man’s man.
Meanwhile, Ivanka’s school in Africa turns into a sweatshop for her clothing line. And, at the beginning of the baseball game, Ivanka walks out to stop her father from throwing the pitch. She says she’s #IvankaStrong and is part of #TheResistance – no more baseball until a female president is elected – and that will be her. Uh-huh.
Seriously, y’all, this show is full of absolutely nothing but a string of the kind of lame, predictable, sophomoric liberal jokes that you’d see on Twitter. I really don’t know who would look forward to watching this dribble. I’m just glad it’s finally the end of the season.